


Past Won't Fade

by DjinnHatesCold



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Cheating, Death, F/F, F/M, New Beginnings, Original Character Death(s), Past Infidelity, Past Relationship(s), Post-Meteorfall (Compilation of Final Fantasy VII), Rocket Town, Spears are awesome, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 20:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18373898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DjinnHatesCold/pseuds/DjinnHatesCold
Summary: Cid Highwind, tortured by Shera's exit from his life, turns to the bottle for comfort.Amaya Ibarra, haunted by the deaths of everyone closest to her in Midgar, seeks a new life in Rocket Town to escape her demons.Some people are lucky enough to be able to crawl out of the hole, and some people aren't.





	1. 06/01 Mon: Maya arrives

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to deal with some feelings about my own drinking. It was highly therapeutic to work through it in this way. I wasn't sure this story would ever see find its way into anyone else's eyeballs, but maybe the act of publishing it will be therapeutic as well.

She could just make out the old towers rising from the morning mist.  Just like each day before, painful memories from the past came blossoming into her mind and she let them go like petals in the wind.  The failed launch. The infighting in the halls and offices of Shinra HQ. The words exchanged by nearly everyone in the shop, in the cafe, in the bars after work.  Some cruel, some deeply sad, others skeptical that space flight was even possible. Even at the peak of Shinra’s might, that rocket stood as a testament to both the company’s triumph and its human failure, a reminder that sweat and brains and dreams couldn’t overcome the wall of bureaucracy and politics.

She didn’t really believe that.

Maybe she did.

There was one memory she kept close as her chocobo pressed forward with the vigor of the new day.  The day the rocket launch failed was her first day in the aerospace engineering shop. She remembered being shown around the shop, her new station, the battered tool cart left there by the previous occupant -- a well-respected older fellow who had retired from what she heard -- and the red folder on the workbench with her first repair order.  She remembered the familiar smell of grease and mako, hand cleaner and solvent. The shop rags with the tiny Shinra logo emblazoned in the corner. Those rags that the guys in the shop joked about; Shinra evidently had enough gil to order custom rags but were reluctant to hand out raises and bonuses as often as everyone would have preferred.

That was the day she began to see her future in the office of Marius Baron, her boss and mentor.  He sat across from her smoking a cigarette and telling her about how he’d like to see her move forward in his department.  She would put in her time on the shop floor starting with smaller repairs, then move up into fabrication, then eventually design and engineering.  “And one day, not too far from now from what I’ve heard about you, maybe you’ll get to help design an airship,” he had said with a warm smile that deepened the friendly creases around his eyes.  Fourteen years later Marius was a trusted friend and her closest ally in the corporation. He, with her blessing and thanks, was able to keep her from being transferred to other departments, other shops, other jobs around the company.  He recognized her talent and fanned the flames of her abilities.

A shudder down her spine tore her from her reverie.  Marius was dead. He was seven months away from retirement.  His wife, Ellen, was dead. His son, Van, just starting as an infantryman in the Shinra Army, was dead too.   _ And those blue eyes.  _  She shook her head and rubbed her eyes.  She inhaled deeply, blew out slowly, and fixed her eyes on her destination.  The sun was well over the horizon now. The mist had been burned away and the ground no longer sparkled with dew.  She had almost arrived at Rocket Town.

 

The sounds of construction met her ears before she could see much movement.  She watched a crane in the distance swing lazily over the town. New buildings were going up to house the ever increasing number of people who were tired of the grind of Edge or the stagnancy of Corel.  A new oilfield had been discovered in the area and industry was slowly changing Rocket Town from a tiny village to a bustling city. Hopeful workers had come to seek new lives and new fortunes in a new industry.  Many still lived in the large tent village just to the west of town. Restaurants, shops, and an outdoor marketplace popped up on the east side and housing grew in an ever larger circle around the new downtown. After stabling her chocobo she wandered slowly down the streets, ignoring the urge to visit the launchpad just yet and convincing herself she was hungry.  She found a cafe and for the first time in a week she sat at a table and ordered coffee. 

She closed her eyes, brought her coffee to her lips, and deeply inhaled the comforting aroma.   _ Another town, another chance, _ she thought.   _ Six months.  Then I’ll decide. _

 

It was well past noon when the first wave of consciousness crashed over Cid.  He groaned involuntarily as his red eyes cracked open. A now familiar gnawing in the pit of his stomach crept back when he rolled over onto his side.  He lay still and listened. His ears strained for the sound of… anything. Water running, dishes clinking, a broom on the floor, a rug being shaken. The house was as still as death.

_ Ten months, 28 days, _ said a mocking voice in his head.  

He groaned again, voluntarily this time.  “Shut the fuck up,” he muttered. The call of nature tugged at him and he groaned a last time as he pushed himself up and put his feet on the floor.  One foot kicked a bottle across the room where it bounced off the bedroom door and came to rest against the butt of his propped up spear. He ran a hand through greasy hair and reached for the pack of cigarettes he knew was on his nightstand.  The first thing his fingers touched was cool glass and he paused for a moment before tentatively lifting it and glancing at it out of the corner of his eye. It was about three-quarters full. He must have passed out earlier than usual last night.  He brought it to his lips and drank greedily, a growl escaping when he cast the empty bottle aside on his bed. He found his cigarettes, lit, and inhaled deeply before finally standing and making his way to the bathroom.

_ Ten months… _

“Shut the FUCK up!” he shouted at his reflection in the mirror.  “She ain’t comin’ back!” He forced himself to look into his own eyes.  They were dull, red, and sunken. A wild beard had begun to dominate his face.  He had a bruise on his pallid cheek that he didn’t remember getting. “She ain’t comin’ back,” he spat as he turned and glared angrily at the shower.  He couldn’t remember the last time he bathed. He uttered another oath, stabbed his cigarette out on the sink, and turned on the tap.


	2. 06/02 Tue: A Job

“We got no end of general laborers,” the foreman was saying while he moved rolls of blueprints off of his shabby desk in the construction trailer, “but we’re lacking on skilled folk.  Most of them are up on the drills where the oil money is. You came at a good time.” He handed her a clipboard. “Can you fix it?”

She flipped through a hastily scribbled work order.  A couple of photos were clipped to it with closeups of the damaged parts.

“We were ah… we were gonna courier that over to Corel to see if they could spare a hand our way.”  The foreman sank heavily into his seat. “Woulda cost almost as much as a brand new machine after all that.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen this.”  She examined one of the photos under the foreman’s desk lamp.  “Right there,” she said, pointing. “We had trucks with that same axle.  Those things were in the shop damn near every other month. The original part was made with cheap metal and Shinra had a warehouse full of the same crap parts.  We’d slap a new one in and the truck’d be back again soon enough.” She handed the clipboard back to the man. “You got a forge?”

“Not much of one, but it’s all yours.”

“If you have enough of the right kind of scrap I can temper it.  I guarantee it will last ten times as long as the original.”

The foreman chuckled.  “You’re a confident one.”

“I’m an experienced one.”

“How long at Shinra?”

“Near half my life.”

“Job’s yours if you want it.  You can start tomorrow morning.  Hell, you can start now if you want.”

She reached out to shake his hand.  “Much obliged.”


	3. 06/05 Fri: Meeting A Celebrity

Cid closed his front door and lit another cigarette, squinting in the bright early evening sunshine.  As much as he didn’t want to, he had to make the trip to the store for provisions. Every now and then one of the original town residents would knock on his door, a basket or pot or casserole of homemade food in hand and concern written all over their faces.  If he wasn’t so numb he could be more appreciative, but he was annoyed by what he figured was small town nosiness. Sometimes when they came by he was so drunk he could barely manage to open the door. Sometimes he’d yell at them. Sometimes he’d remember the next day and the guilt would drive him back to the bottle before his first meal of the day.  Now when he ventured into town he was sure he could feel the stares and the shame coming from all sides.

He felt eyes on him again, this time from a lady and a young boy not far away.  The boy was whispering excitedly and pointing at Cid and the lady was nodding enthusiastically.  “Fuckin’ tourists,” he grumbled. He had no choice but to pass by the pair on his way to the store.  He steeled himself and set off.

To his dismay, the two hurried to approach him.  “M-Mr.-- Captain Highwind?” the boy stuttered. Cid pretended not to hear him and a pounding began in his head.  “C-Captain? Sir?” 

Cid grunted and waved them off.  The child froze. The lady took him by the shoulders and wordlessly pulled him away, staring bewildered at the infamous man stalking away from them.  Cid puffed on his cigarette and picked up his pace. The pulsing pain in his head brought waves of nausea with it and he could feel his hands begin to shake.  He altered his course toward the old inn.  _ Gotta take this edge off. _

These days the Shanghai Inn was almost exclusively visited by the older residents of Rocket Town.  This afternoon the tiny bar had only three occupants besides the barkeep. The familiar couple who sat at the bar offered him a nod and a glass raised in his direction. “Afternoon, Captain,” the barkeep said as he raised a bottle of whiskey and an eyebrow in his direction.  Cid nodded and accepted a glass of the stuff. A stranger was sitting in the corner at the table closest to the door. Cid took the other corner chair at the other table and sat down roughly. Whiskey splashed onto his hand and the table and he swore softly but made no move to clean himself.  He sat still for a long time lost in the jumble of his thoughts and the throbbing of his headache before finally raising his glass to his mouth and looking up.

The stranger at the other table was a woman.  Brown hair was pulled into a ponytail at the nape of her neck and she wore a faded purple headband across her hairline that was tied underneath her hair.  She was holding a clipboard with a stack of wrinkled papers on it with one hand and absently tapping on the rim of a beer bottle with the other while she slowly studied the words.  Her well-tanned shoulders peeked out of a worn lavender t-shirt where she had rolled the sleeves up in defense of the early summer heat outside and the warmth from the kitchen at the back of the bar.  She had a smudge of something dark on her forehead, which was creased in concentration. When she finally took a sip of her drink he could just make out dirt under her fingernails.

Cid suddenly realized that he was staring at the woman, whiskey touching his lips but having gone no further.  The hand that held his glass was shaking slightly. He had no idea how long he had gawked at the stranger. He knocked the whiskey back in two short gulps.  The barkeep approached to refill his glass almost immediately and Cid stopped him with a hand on the man’s arm. “Who’s that?” he asked quietly, not sure how capable he was of discretion anymore these days.

“Works at one of the construction sites.  Said she arrived a couple of days ago.”

“Hm,” Cid grunted in thanks.  “Got any smokes?”

“Yeah, I can sell you a pack.”

“Got two?”  

The barkeep chuckled, poured his drink, and disappeared into the kitchen.  The stranger was leaning back in her chair, one leg crossed over the other.  She now had a screwdriver in her hand and was idly twirling it between her fingers while she read.  Cid squinted and blinked. “That a Shinra Space Exploration logo?” he spoke at a startling volume, or so it seemed to his headache-sensitive ears.

The woman stopped fiddling with the tool and lowered her clipboard from her face.  She studied Cid a moment before nodding. “You’ve got a sharp eye,” she answered. She took a long drink of her beer and finished it off before continuing.  “I guess you’d recognize it anywhere, Captain Highwind.”

_ He still lives here _ , she thought.  She hoped her face didn’t betray her surprise and excitement.  She never considered that the infamous Captain Cid Highwind would still be living here in Rocket Town.   _ After all these years, after going to space, after saving the planet, he’s still here. _

Cid nodded back with a tiny smirk.  “I guess I would. Where’d you get that?”

“It belonged to my boss -- my old boss, I mean.  Back at Shinra. By the time I got there the company wasn’t giving us fancy corporate tools anymore.”

Cid got up and sat back down at her table, suddenly intrigued.  “Who was your boss?”

An almost imperceptible flash of pain crossed her face before she answered.  “Marius Baron.”

Cid leaned back in his chair.  Now there was a name he hadn’t heard in a long time.  “Baron…” he smiled. “I couldn’t prove it, but I’m almost sure he pulled a lot o’ the strings that got the Highwind built.  Shit, I wonder how the ol’ softie’s doin’ these days?”

The woman raised her empty bottle toward the barkeep, who had just reappeared from the back with a handful of cigarette packs.  He grabbed a fresh bottle on his way to the table the two patrons were now sharing and dropped them off with a knowing look to the couple at the bar.  The Captain as of late had been less than personable, not to mention social, when he stopped by the bar. There had been several nights where Cid had to be cut off or stopped from picking a fight.

“Marius was killed during the Meteorfall.”

“… Shit.”

They both took deep draughts and sat in uncomfortable silence.

The woman set her bottle down and extended her hand to Cid.  “My name’s Maya -- Amaya Ibarra.”

Cid accepted her hand.  Hers were nearly as rough and calloused as his own.  “Cid Highwind. But, ah… you already knew that.” He shook his head.  “Anyway, you’re in town for work?”

“Uh huh.  There’s loads of things that need someone to wrench on them.  I don’t know how these any of these contractors are still in business if they can’t find mechanics.  You wouldn’t believe the amount of shit homebrew fixes I’ve had to untangle in the last day and a half.”

“Let me get this straight.  You worked under Marius Baron at Shinra and now you’re here puttin’ shovels on fuckin’ backhoes?  What’d you do under Baron, make his coffee?”

Maya frowned and narrowed her eyes.  “I helped design the prototype for the  _ Shera _ , motherfucker.”  

Cid flinched at the name.   _ Shoved my foot straight down my fuckin’ throat again _ .  

Maya’s eyes burned with rage.  “The fuck’d you do under Heidegger?  Polish his fuckin’ knob?”

Cid’s mouth dropped open.  He gawked at her fiery expression before erupting in raucous laughter. “I deserved that,” he roared.

Her eyebrows shot up.  “Yeah, that was a dick thing to say, Captain Highwind.”  She took a deep breath, cracked her knuckles, and waited for him to calm down before speaking again much more softly.  “I had to get away for awhile. From Shinra, Midgar, the WRO, all of it.”

Cid flushed and pretended to study the glass in his hand.  “Listen, don’t take what comes outta this old fool’s mouth too seriously.”

“Old?” she laughed.  “We’re the same age, so watch who you’re calling old.”

They drank and talked about the people they both knew during their time with the company until the barkeep finally turned off the neon sign and told them to hit the road.  When they parted ways Cid watched Maya head toward the tent camp, swaying slightly on her way, until she was no longer in sight. He stumbled his own way back to his house and fell into bed.

 

Maya awoke the next morning feeling like her head was full of cotton.   _ Did I really close the bar with Cid Highwind? _  She had hardly recognized the man last night without his signature goggles and with the addition of an unkempt beard.  She put her head under her pillow.  _ Did Captain Cid Highwind pay my bar tab? _  Without removing her head she fumbled around inside the bag next to her until she found what she was looking for.  She emerged from under her pillow and rubbed the silver container between her hands. She unscrewed the cap and drank long and deep.  

_ Back at it again. _

_ At least it’s the weekend. _


	4. 06/06 Sat: Tidying Up

When Cid awoke the next afternoon his head hurt twice as much as it did the night before.  Funny, he had forgotten all about it while he was talking to that girl at the bar.

Amaya Ibarra, who had helped Marius Baron design the prototype of the  _ Shera _ , who knew so many of the same people the he knew, and who could drink and swear him under the table.

How had he never heard of her before?  Cid shook his head, causing ripples of pain through his whole body.  Shinra was an enormous company. During its heyday the Space Exploration division employed thousands of people.  The air division of the Shinra Army alone had countless people. Cid was just one of many engineers working on new airship designs.  The fact that they had so few degrees of separation between them throughout both of their careers was absurdly coincidental.

Amaya Ibarra helped to design the prototype of the  _ Shera _ .

A new pang of pain made his whole body convulse into the fetal position.  

_ Eleven months, 2 days. _

He moaned miserably into his mattress.   _ She ain’t comin’ back, dipshit.  Just rename the damn ship. _  After he was finally able to pull himself out of bed and find a bottle of pills for his headache, he opened the refrigerator and swore loudly.  He was supposed to go to the store and pick up more food, liquor, and…  _ Shit, did I run out of smokes? _  He looked around frantically and was finally able to exhale after he saw the three packs on the table that he had bought off the barkeep last night.  He found one of the packs was only half full. “Damn, how much did I smoke last night?” he wondered aloud. 

After the first few drags his mind raced to the second highest priority on his list.  A reinspection of the fridge yielded nothing. He tore through the cabinets frantically searching for his salvation.

_ Eleven months, 2 days. _

“FUCK!” he shouted as he threw open the last cabinet door and swept his hand around the high shelf in desperation.  To his great relief his hand landed on a bottle. He snatched it from its perch and looked at the label. It was a small bottle of cheap wine that he had snatched off some young punk he’d never seen before who had decided to run his mouth off in Cid’s direction.  Even after as much alcohol as he had that night Cid managed to lay the kid out in two swings. He grabbed the bottle, went inside, and watched the kid’s friends drag him off from his front window. He couldn’t bring himself to drink the sickly sweet liquor that night so he tossed it up on the shelf and forgot about it.  

He tore the palm of his hand on the sharp metal of the cap when he wrenched it open.  Blood dripped off the bottle and onto his shirt as he drank the cheap booze. When the bottle had been emptied he threw it in the sink in disgust, where it exploded into jagged pieces.  He stood there staring at the glass that had bounced out of the sink and onto the stove, the counter, and the floor while his hand steadily dripped blood on the rug. Not able to register the pain yet, he absently ran his bloody hand over his face.  His stomach was rolling.

There was a sharp knock at the door.  Cid started, began to stumble, and caught himself on the back of a chair.  He looked down and found that he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday.  At least he was dressed. He slowly moved to the door and threw it open with more force than he intended.  It seemed like his limbs were all in a revolt against him this morning -- no, afternoon. Outside stood a delivery driver with a package.  The man’s face went white. “Oh my god! Are you all right?” he shouted.

“What?  What’re you talkin’ about?”

The man gulped comically.  “Your, um, face!”

“You here to insult me or do you have a reason for ruinin’ my day?”

The delivery man extended a box toward him.  “Have a… better day, sir.”

Cid set the box on the table and his eyes bulged when he removed his hand from the fresh, bloody partial handprint on the box.  Swearing a blue streak, he started toward the kitchen sink but stopped just short of stepping on the glass on the floor. Another string of profanity followed as he ran to the bathroom.  When he was done cleaning the wound he looked into the mirror and gave a yell when he saw his face. He put his hands on either side of the sink and leaned forward. He watched a new line of blood run down toward the drain.  “What a fuckin’ piece of shit,” he whispered gruffly. “What am I doin’?”

 

Maya strolled through the marketplace casually inspecting the street food offerings.  She wasn’t hungry again but figured she should eat some lunch before continuing her search for an apartment.  She hoped to be able to upgrade from her rustic tent accommodations yet that week. The tent village had the luxury of a simple bathhouse, public toilets, and several communal cooking areas, but she had been sleeping in her tent for weeks and ached to come home to a solid floor under her feet, at least as long as she was going to be staying in Rocket Town.

She decided on lunch at the cafe she had visited on her first day in town.  Clouds were beginning to gather and the threat of rain sent her inside this time rather than the patio.  She chose a seat at the counter and studied the menu written on the wall.

“Welcome!” a cheerful voice greeted from just inside the kitchen.  A blue-eyed woman with her dirty blonde hair tied in a messy bun leaned out the doorway and smiled at her.  “I’ll be out in just a sec. I’m just finishing something up!” The woman came out wiping her hands on her apron and set a glass of water down in front of Maya.  “What can I get you?” 

Maya’s breath caught in her throat when she looked into the woman’s eyes.  They were the color of the sea, bright and shining in the light coming through the large front windows.  Tiny beads of sweat stood on the honey-colored skin on her forehead. Maya coughed lightly before answering.  “The, uh, half special please,” she choked. She desperately reached for the water glass and knocked it over in her haste.  The blue-eyed woman deftly grabbed a couple of rags and contained the spill with a smile and a soft laugh that had Maya melting on her stool.  “I’m so sorry!” she sputtered.

“Not a day goes by that doesn’t include at least a couple of spills,” the woman laughed.  “I’ll get your order up shortly!” 

Maya blushed furiously and tried not to watch her zip back to the kitchen with the grace of a dancer.  Her head was swimming.  _ Just like before. _  Memories crashed behind her eyes again.  Tears threatened to fall. Maya drained her glass and focused on her breathing.  The water sat like lead in her stomach and her hands felt numb. She wanted to run out the door but was frozen in her seat.   _ The past is gone _ , she told herself, rolling the words over and over in her mind like a mantra.  She was brought back to the moment by another customer coming in, the blue-eyed woman peeking her head out the doorway again, and her cheery voice like birdsong cutting through the low warble of the cafe.  Maya’s pounding heart slowed and by the time her food arrived she had regained her composure. She ate quickly, not tasting her meal but not wanting to leave her plate as full as her lost appetite demanded.  As if her not stuffing herself silly would be taken as some great offense by the blue-eyed woman who was just doing her job. She left her money at the counter and slipped out the door before the woman came back to clear her plate.  Her shaky calm was quickly fading. She needed to find a drink, and fast. There was a newly opened bar just on the other side of the marketplace, but she cringed when she saw a group of young money making a racket all the way down the street and into the bar.  She much preferred the quietness of the inn in the old part of town.

Finally sat on a different stool at a different counter with a beer in her hand, she could begin to relax.  The amount of effort that it took to stuff her memories back down inside her lessened a tiny bit each day, but moments like these left her rattled and weary.  The first beer didn’t stand a chance and another was proffered immediately. The resident barkeep was another reason she liked this bar. He was a bit of a gossip, but he was a damn fine bartender.  Maks, his name was. 

If she was going to stay in Rocket Town -- or anywhere at all -- she needed to find a different way to forget her memories.  This couldn’t keep happening. She sat there for a while trying to clear her head before she gave up, downed the rest of her drink, and left.  Half an hour later she was riding her chocobo out of town. When she was far enough away that the only thing she could hear was the wind she stopped, dismounted, and stretched.  Some exercise would do her good. She was starting to feel that in-town life was making her soft again. After weeks of traveling on her own and having to fend for herself amongst the beasts of the wild she had grown as strong and skilled as she had ever been with her weapon.  

Standing with her qiang spear beside her, she breathed deeply and found her center.  The warm fuzziness of her recent beers made it challenging at first, but soon she was able to sink more deeply into her calm.  She moved fluidly into the forms. Turn, kick, step, lunge.  _ Blue eyes. _  Lunge, thrust, slice, step, deflect, down.   _ The fallen plate. _  Thrust, slice, lunge, back, deflect, slice.   _ Don’t say it. _  Lunge, back, step, spin, lift, thrust.   _ The look in her eyes. _  Chop, kick, kick, circle, step, lift, stab.  Block, spin, thrust, sink, thrust, pull up, spin, step, slice, kick.  Lift, thrust, pivot, jump, thrust, circle, pull, thrust. Pull, thrust, pivot, sink, thrust, deflect, slice, deflect, slice, stand.

Bow.

 

He tapped the razor on the sink absently as he stroked his newly clean face.  The razor was dull but he was able to finally see the skin on his cheeks and chin through the rough stubble that was left.  He’d have to remember to pick up new blades the next time he went to the shop.

He turned toward the door and stopped with his hand on the knob.  He turned back to the sink and wiped it down carefully, flushing every bit of the stray whiskers down the drain.  He placed the razor back onto the shelf where it belonged, then straightened the towels. Finally satisfied with the condition of the sink, he moved on to the kitchen.  He spent the early afternoon scrubbing down everything he could reach. Four bags of trash later, he had a respectable kitchen again. He put on a kettle of water and stood in the middle of the floor admiring his work.

He noticed that for the first time in weeks his didn’t have that persistent gnawing in his gut.  He was trembling just slightly, and he hoped it was only because he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday’s dinner.  “No fuckin’ drinks ‘til tonight,” he said out loud to himself. 

After pouring a strong cup of tea he went out into the garage, a place he hadn’t visited in months.  He looked around at the dusty collection of his past. His old guns from his military days, the model rocket, and the car he never got around to fixing up.  Well, what the hell else did he have to do these days? 


	5. 06/13 Sat: Furnished Studio, Month-to-Month

“Thanks so much!”  Maya waved to the super as he left.  She looked down at the keys and rubbed a worn spot on the little moogle keyring some past tenant had left them attached to.  She grinned. She was so excited about taking possession of her apartment that she didn’t even take the time to pack up her campsite that morning.  Now she was regretting that decision because it meant she had to leave already. She took one last look at her modest one-room accommodations. The building was new but it looked like the furnishings were scavenged from a thrift store.  She didn’t much care; it was all hers to use on a month-to-month basis as long as she liked. The tiny galley kitchen had an eclectic assortment of pots, pans, and utensils. She realized she probably should go to the market and pick up some essentials after she unpacked her meager collection of belongings.

Later, as she was walking back from the tent village with her entire collection of possessions strapped to her back, she heard someone calling her name.  She saw Cid Highwind across the street carrying two bags of groceries. It was almost surreal -- there was Cid Highwind again, in the daylight, with his groceries.  He looked more like himself today, that is, like the Cid Highwind she recognized from the TV and newspapers. His unkempt beard was gone. He gripped a cigarette between his teeth.  He still wasn’t wearing those goggles of his, but why would he? He was out running errands like anyone else, not flying an airship into a battle to determine the fate of the Planet.  He raised one of the bags in greeting.

She waved back as she crossed the street.  “Captain Highwind! Good to see you again!”

“Where ya off to with all that?”

“My new place,” she grinned again.

His eyes seemed to brighten when she said that.  He had ridiculously beautiful blue eyes too. Did everyone in this part of the world have those eyes?  “I was worried you were on yer way outta town,” he said. 

“Nah, this town is stuck with me.  For the next month, at least.”

“That’s great!”  Cid smiled.  _ It is? _  “You should come by later.  Got somethin’ I think you’d appreciate.”

“Oh yeah?  Just give me a bit to drop off my stuff and I’ll head over.  Wouldn’t be right of me to ignore captain’s orders,” she joked.

“I ain’t a captain o’ nothin’ at the moment.”  He took the cigarette out of his mouth and crushed what was left of it under his boot.  “I’m just Cid right now.”

_ Cid Highwind wants me to come over.  Don’t act like a giggling fangirl. _  “Alright… Cid.  I’ll see you soon.”

“It’s the house by the launchpad.”

Maya suddenly snorted with laughter.  “Yeah, I know.”

“Yeah, I uh, I guess ya probably do.  Some people tell me I’m some kinda famous.”

“See you soon, bigshot.”


	6. 06/25 Thu: Jalopy

Cid had no idea what he was doing.  He hadn’t invited anyone over, much less a woman, in… he didn’t even know how long.  He had seen Amaya Ibarra on the street that day and it felt totally natural to want to show her the car.  Of course. This is how people act. They leave the house, they make friends, they go over to people’s houses.  With the last 13 or so years of his life being what they were, it felt odd to do something so completely normal.  He put away his groceries and went back out into the garage. For the first time he took notice of how thick the dust hanging in the air was.  He had to move some boxes and old junk out of the way, but he managed to get the creaky, rusted garage door opened. Fresh air and rays of midday sun came streaming in for the first time in almost two decades.

When Maya arrived she found him banging on something under the hood of an old, but elegantly beautiful green coupe.  “Cid?” she called, admiring the machine in his garage.

He stood up and grinned at her.  “Ain’t she pretty?”

“Hell yeah!”  Maya rushed to peek under the hood.  “She run?”

“Not yet.”

“Is this one of those midlife crisis projects that’ll never get done?” she asked teasingly.

“Now who’s callin’ who old?  ‘Sides, I’m pretty sure I passed my midlife years ago.”

“You’re right, I better watch my mouth,” she laughed.

He patted the car and looked fondly at the engine compartment.  “I always said I’d get her fixed up before I went to space. After the launch failure it turned into, ‘Before the next launch.’  And now I guess I’m shootin’ for, ‘Before I die.” 

“You better get moving then,” she laughed.  “Whoops, there I go again.”

“I could use a hand.  Know any mechanics?” He now had a mischievous grin on his face.

“I dunno, I mean, I know this girl who works a lot….”

Cid visibly cringed.  “Ahh, shit. Ya know what, you deal with broken machines all day long an’ I didn’t even consider that.  Forget I--”

“I’m just fucking with you, Cid.  Of course I’ll help you! I live and breathe this shit!”

Relieved, Cid’s posture relaxed.  “Shit…” he started.

“I  _ do _ work a lot, but if you wanna get this heap going again I’ll make time.  In fact, if you’re looking for a hand right now you got me for a few hours.”

They decided the best thing to do was to haul out the engine and do a full rebuild.  Two hours and a lot of puffing and swearing on both their parts had the engine lifted and on a stand.  Two more hours had a large part of it in pieces before Cid finally declared it, “A good stopping point.”  The truth was he was powerfully hungry and thirsty even though he was having a great time wrenching with Maya.  The way that woman moved around machines was incredible. She pointed out things that even Cid missed and had a seemingly endless supply of anecdotes about nearly every part in the engine.  

They went into the house and Maya plopped down into one of the kitchen chairs, sinking down with her legs splayed out so she was almost horizontal.  “I guess you were right. That was a good stopping point,” she sighed. “It’s been a hell of a day.” Cid smirked and grabbed a couple of bottles from the fridge.  He sat down at the table and lit a cigarette while Maya opened the beers with the bottle opener on the multitool she produced from her pocket. She held up her bottle.  “To finishing before we die,” she said.

He clinked his bottle against hers.  “To living forever,” he added.

They both drained half their bottles.  “I don’t know about forever,” she said after a few moments.

“Well then, as long as you wanna live is fine too.”

“Yeah, that’ll work.”  She drained the rest of her bottle and Cid produced two more in short order.  “Hey Cid,” she started.

He looked at her questioningly, waiting for her to finish her thought. 

“What keeps you here?”

He sat back and rubbed his cheek.  “Ya know,” he said after another long pause, “I guess… I’m not sure.  Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re Cid fucking Highwind!  You went to space. You’ve been all around the world.  You saved the Planet--”

“More than once,” he said with a cocky smile.

“--More than once!  And here you are in Rocket Town.  You’re living in the shadow of the empty launch towers.  You’re watching the town change more and more every day. But even with all this change around, nothing exciting ever happens here.  Are you bored or relieved?”

“I don’t think I’m either.  I think I’m just… fuck, I don’t know.”  She did have a point; there really wasn’t anything keeping him there.  In truth there was a lot more there that should have driven him away. “Just stubborn, I guess.  You think you’ll stay?”

She shrugged.  “Haven’t decided yet.  All I know is I’m not headed back to Midgar -- I mean Edge, anytime soon.”  It was quiet for a while.

“You want somethin’ stronger?”

“Fuck yes.”


	7. 06/30 Tue: Cassie

It happened so fast she didn’t even have time to think about the direction her life had turned.  One evening she was sitting on the front step of her building taking in the warm, fresh air, and suddenly  _ she _ was there.  With her sea-blue eyes and dirty blonde hair now down around her bare shoulders.  She appeared to be dressed for a night out. Her cafe apron was replaced with a pink strapless tunic with delicate flowers embroidered along the bottom.  A green hem gave way to shapely legs in white leggings. Pink painted nails on honey-colored skin peeked through the peep-toes at the front of her sassy heels.  She wore a pink flower hairpin at her temple. Maya’s heart pounded harder the closer she got.

“My clumsy customer!” she chirped in her cheery lilt.  “I never got to thank you for the… rather large tip you left the other day.”

“Oh, uh… it’s no problem.  I, um, had something come up.  I hope it didn’t come across as rude.”  She rubbed the back of her neck and hoped he wasn’t blushing as deeply as she thought she was.

“No, no.  Not at all.”

“Oh good!” Maya said a little too loudly.

The woman smiled that warm smile again.  “Say, it looks like we’re neighbors. Are you new to this building?”

“Yeah, I just moved in yesterday.  Neighbors?”

“I live there.”  She pointed to the next building over.  “I’ve only been in Rocket Town for two months.  Hey…” she said slowly as a different sort of smile crept across her lips, “are you doing anything tonight?”

“Uh...no…?”

“This may come across as kind of, I don’t know, sad maybe, but I haven’t had much of a chance to go out and make some friends since I got here.  And you’re new, and I’m new, and we’re neighbors and… I heard there was going to be a band at the bar down the street. Would you want to maybe come check it out with me?”

Despite a loud, terrified voice protesting inside her head, she did.  And so she spent the evening at the loud new money bar with the beautiful lady from the cafe, whose name turned out to be Cassie.  And then they were back at Cassie’s own little studio apartment, with her adorable collection of seashells and a beachy tapestry from Costa Del Sol hanging on the wall above the bed where they spent the rest of the evening, tipsy, together.  And over the course of the next few days they were doing something that could have been called dating.

 

Maya was home by herself one rare evening.  She didn’t have plans with Cassie since she was working the late shift at the cafe and Cid was off on an overnight trip to North Corel picking up parts for his car so they could work on it again that weekend.  The last week was a blur and it seemed like she hadn’t had the time to stop and think about what was happening. She was relieved that those painful memories hadn’t shown up at an inopportune moment when she was with Cassie but she wondered how it was possible.  Maybe after this amount of time the pain had dulled enough for her to finally move on. Maybe she could try and revisit the past on her own terms, even just for a brief moment.

 

_ “It’s not like this is the first time, or the second time, or the tenth time, Amaya!”  Beautiful blue eyes flashed with anger and, most painfully, disappointment. She was so gorgeous, even when she was mad.  She tore off her coat and threw it on the arm of the couch. She ripped the elastic band out of her hair and the blonde waves fell down over her right shoulder.  Maya’s heart was burning in her chest. “This is getting out of control! You are out of control!” _

_ “I am,” Maya slurred.  “I’m a fucking piece of shit and you shouldn’t put up with me.” _

_ “No.  No you don’t,” she said as she stalked into the bedroom.  “Do not try and manipulate me.” _

_ “You’re an angel and I don’t deserve you,” Maya gurgled into the bottle of whiskey.  “You sure as shit don’t deserve me.” _

_ She appeared in the bedroom doorway and stared daggers at Maya.  “Don’t,” she hissed before turning back in. _

_ “I know, I know, I know, I dunno why I’m like this.  What a drunk piece of shit I turned out to be.” _

_ She came out of the room and stood before Maya’s chair.  She gently but firmly took the bottle out of her hands and set it behind her on the table.  “Amaya. I love you. I care about you.” _

_ “I wanna spend the rest o’ my li--” _

_ “Stop.”  She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply.  “Please just, stop. Listen. I love you and it hurts.  Amaya, it shouldn’t hurt. I can’t help you with…” she waved her hand at the table, a mess of bottles and cans, “this.” _

_ “That’s my last.  I’m stopping tomorrow.  I promise you. I’m done.” _

_ She shook her head.  “No, Amaya. No promises.  I can’t watch you kill yourself anymore.” _

_ “I swear!” _

_ “I’m going to go stay with my sister for a… a while.  I’ll call you in a few days. I just need some time.” She put her hands on Maya’s face and looked deep into her eyes.  Maya struggled to focus, struggled to understand what was happening. _

_ “Claire…” _

_ Her love moved quickly into the bedroom again and reemerged a moment later holding a suitcase.   _

_ Maya tried to stand but her legs gave way beneath her.  “Claire, no!” She stumbled and fell against the table, sending a few bottles clattering to the floor. _

_ “Call that doctor.  Get help.” She turned her back and opened the door.  “Please, Amaya.” _

_ “Claire… I… I… I chea--” _

_ Claire’s hand shot up in a signal for Maya to stop talking.  “No,” she said sharply. “Don’t say it.” _

 

Maya clutched her flask to her chest as she sobbed silently.


	8. 07/11 Sat: Moves

“You’re weirder than normal today, hotshot.”

Cid unsuccessfully tried to hide his grin behind his glass.  

“What are you up to?”  Maya eyed him strangely.  That day they had reached what they hoped was the halfway point in the engine rebuild and were celebrating with takeout food and beer in the backyard.  

“I got somethin’ ta show ya.”

“If it’s another car I’m not helping you until we finish this one first,” she laughed.

“I ain’t ready to get it started, but I think you’ll like it when ya see it.”

“You have my attention, Mr. Highwind.”

Cid snorted.  “ _ Mister _ my ass.  Come on. It’s in there.”  He gestured to the large building on the far side of the launchpad.

“Wait -- that?  I thought that was construction storage.”

“You’ll see.  C’mon!” He held out his hand to help her up from where she was sitting on the ground with her back against the house.  She raised her eyebrow at him but accepted his hand. “Bring the beer!”

The far side of the building hid two huge hangar doors.  “Is this what I think it is?”

Cid flipped open a keypad on the side of the building and nodded.  “Probably.” The doors parted with a low electrical hum. Cid slipped inside and moments later the massive interior of the hangar was illuminated.  

Maya stood frozen in place, not believing the scene that was being revealed before her.  The doors parted like curtains on an impossible stage to reveal the last thing she expected to see that night.  “This has been here the whole time?” she said incredulously. “You’ve been… just… sitting on it?” She moved forward and reached her hand out with great hesitation to touch the painted picture next to a ragged edge of twisted metal.   _ The Highwind _ .  “I don’t believe it.”

Cid slowly scanned the contents of the hangar.  He hadn’t been back here in well over a year. Here sat the infamous airship in about seven or eight large pieces.  “After the Meteorfall I went back to pick up the pieces and brought ‘em here.”

“Are you going to put her back together?”

Cid shrugged.  “Haven’t decided.”

Maya started moving around the great broken airship, almost reverently brushing her fingers over the cool metal and rows of rivets.

“Even if I did get her back in one piece, she still runs on mako.  That’s why I built the... new ship, because it was easier to start from scratch than to retrofit the Highwind.

“Not  _ quite _ from scratch,” Maya chuckled.  “You do remember choosing the prototype designs for the Shera, don’t you?”

Cid chuckled.  “Fair enough. That ship didn’t start off on my cocktail napkin.  I’m pretty sure the guy who figured out how to make her run on gas is in this room though.”  

“Whatever happened to Shera -- the rocket scientist, I mean?  Weren’t you--” she stopped talking when she saw how much his face darkened.

He looked down and swallowed hard.  “She left… me.”

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have--”

“No, it’s alright.  Anyhow--”

“Hey, after that car’s done, if you wanna do this, I’m in.”

He looked up again, right into her eyes.  He put a tentative hand on her shoulder. “Thanks,” he said.

“I mean, why else would you bring me here?” she grinned at him.  

He didn’t break his gaze into her deep mahogany brown eyes.  Her smile slowly faded and shifted into a quizzical look. He moved in closer and put his other hand on her shoulder.  He never noticed before, but she had a light smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. His hand raised to her face.

“Cid…” she breathed.  She pressed her face gently into the roughness of his hand.  He could feel her trembling. He had no idea what he was doing, but it felt right.  His time spent with Maya over the last month had brought him a natural, relaxed calm that he hadn’t had since Shera left.  His heart beat just a little faster every time she stepped into his garage. And now that she was here in the hangar with him standing amidst one of his greatest triumphs, he couldn’t stop himself from trying to get closer to her.

He stroked her cheek with his thumb and spoke in an uncharacteristically soft voice.  “Can we just…” He didn’t know how to finish his question.

Maya put her hand on his and didn’t say anything.  Just when Cid feared she would pull away, she sighed heavily.  “Cid, it’s… there’s… someone else.”

This time he froze.  He hadn’t even considered that.  His grip on her shoulder unintentionally tightened as he processed the implications of this news.  She continued to look deep into his eyes. He searched her face desperately looking for a crack in her resolve.  For a moment or two it looked like she really was considering letting the situation play out, but her eyes grew intensely sad.  Cid released his hands with a sudden jolt that went all the way down to his toes. His stomach tightened into a painful knot.  _ Someone else.  Goddamnit. When I find out who he is I’m gonna-- _

“I… think I’m gonna call it a night.”

Her voice snapped him back into the moment.  “Yeah… y-yeah.”

“Look…” she turned back to him on her way out the hangar’s large opening.  “There was no way for you to know. No harm, no foul. I’ll see you tomorrow, OK?”  She smiled brightly. He nodded and watched her turn away into the darkness.

He stood, feet frozen where she left him, staring out into the night for a long time.

“GODDAMNIT!” he bellowed as he threw his bottle at the broken hull of the Highwind.


	9. 07/12 Sun: Awkwardness and introspection

Maya shut the door and sank her back against it.   _ A week and a half into a brand new relationship and this is when you choose fidelity? _  Her heart was pounding in her throat and her face was burning.  She could have easily -- so  _ easily _ \-- given in.  She and Cassie never talked about exclusivity.  This was supposed to just be fun, wasn’t it? This was a totally different situation, right?  It’s not like there were any plates in Rocket Town to drop down on--

_ No. _  This was supposed to be her fresh start.   _ I don’t even know how much of what kind of a piece of shit I am anymore _ , she thought with a mirthless smile.  She grabbed the bottle off the counter and flopped onto her bed.  The whiskey burned in her gut as she stared at the ceiling.  _ Well ain’t I just Queen Popularity of the Shitface Kingdom. _

 

She felt arms slip around her.  Soft hands intertwined their fingers with her own.  She stirred slightly, wondering what time it was. She had a pounding headache but the soft body pressed against her back made it easy to ignore.  

“Good morning,” Cassie murmured into her ear.

Maya yawned as she slowly woke.  “Mornin’,” she croaked back.

“Phew, did you have a little party all by yourself last night?  You smell like the bottom of a bottle.” 

Cassie giggled, but Maya’s smile dropped.  This was the first time Cassie had found her in the morning in this condition and the timing couldn’t have been worse.  “How’d you get in?”

“I was knocking for a while but you slept right through it.  Now I see why.” She giggled again. “You left it unlocked. I brought you some breakfast.”  Maya groaned when she pulled her arms out from around her. “Don’t let it get cold,” she laughed.

Maya slowly pushed herself into a sitting position.  Her head was swimming.  _ Yup, still drunk _ .  She accepted the cup of coffee that appeared before her eyes and mumbled her thanks, not wanting to speak too much for fear of slurring her words.  Mercifully, Cassie filled the morning with pleasant chatter while Maya ate. She watched the way Cassie’s mouth moved, the way she used her hands to punctuate her sentences, the way she brushed away the two strands of hair that kept falling against her cheeks.  Cassie talked about some of the characters she had to deal with during the late shift the night before, and Maya admired how she was so willing to give even the biggest, drunkest jerks the benefit of the doubt and forgive their actions. She was so different from Claire in almost every way besides her captivating eyes.  She couldn’t let herself wonder what Cassie saw in her. She couldn’t allow herself to think about what would happen once all of her truths came out so she focused on the lilt of her voice, the movement of her hair, the frequent smiles upon her full lips. She was almost completely certain that she made the right decision.

 

When Maya arrived to work on the car later that day she wouldn’t hear of Cid trying to apologize for the night before.  He was no good at apologizing anyway; his pride loomed like a dark mountain over all of his attempts. Maya finally had to tell him in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up and pick up a wrench.

_ At least you didn’t blow it completely to hell _ , he thought.   _ Friends is fine too.  It hasn’t even been a year yet anyway.  Don’t wanna rush into anything. _

But it had been a year.  One year and eight days, to be exact.  Somehow he hadn’t even noticed that the dark anniversary had come and gone.  It had to be a good sign. Maybe he was finally -- slowly -- moving on. Or maybe he was falling so deep into the alcohol-filled abyss that it didn’t matter anymore.  Either direction was equally comforting at the moment.

Maya declined Cid’s offer to stay and chat and eat like they normally did on the weekend, though she insisted it was because she had plans that evening.  Cid was only slightly surprised to find himself relieved.

 

Maya hurried home and found refuge in a hot shower.  Lying to Cid about her plans didn’t feel good but it did feel justified.  The moment she stepped foot back into Cid’s garage that day she found herself swimming in doubt.  If she hadn’t left when she did she didn’t think she would have been able to stop herself from the self-sabotage that part of her was deeply craving.   _ Once a cheat, always a cheat.  Isn’t that what they say? _

She turned the shower faucet all the way to cold.  She couldn’t stop a small yelp from escaping before she clawed at the knob again and turned the water off.  

She stood in the shower dripping and shivering, her attention turned inward so far she barely noticed the cold.   _ You like being with Cassie.  She’s good for you. _  Cassie was such a pure soul.  Surely some of that light would rub off on her eventually, but only if she was worthy of it.  She would not repeat the mistakes of her past. Not all of them. Not the important ones.

 

_ Few lights were left on in the shop when Maya and Marius emerged.  Maya was angrily -- no, passionately -- arguing even as they were leaving the side conference room.  “I am telling you that doesn’t make any sense, Baron!” _

_ “Maya, I have built enough flying machines that I can tell you, with all confidence, that it won’t make a difference.” _

_ “But why wouldn’t we try?  The math works out! The reduced drag is one thing, but adding maneuverability as a bonus?  At least we could test--” _

_ “We have tested them before.  They don’t work.” _

_ “I’ve seen those files, Marius.  Those are nothing like what I’ve designed.” _

_ “Maya, let it go.” _

_ “How can I do that?  It makes zero sense to throw this chance away.” _

_ “Because I don’t want to lose you!”  Marius’ booming voice echoed through the vacant shop and stopped her in her tracks.  “I have seen so many people come and go from this department, Maya. I’ve seen so many brilliant young folks just like you put everything they have into one idea only to have it fail so completely that their entire careers were shattered.  Shinra does not want to spend the time or the money on innovation right now, not unless it has to do with pulling more mako out of the ground.” _

_ “Let me fail, then!” Maya shouted back.  “At least someone will learn something and the next idiot can improve on it just a little more next time!” _

_ Marius shook his head.  “I don’t want to lose you,” he repeated, softer this time. _

_ Maya blinked.  There was something about the way he said it that time.  Right now he didn’t sound like her boss, her mentor -- the man who had taught her so much through the years.  He was the man who brought out the best from her mind. Suddenly, to her eyes, she saw him as something entirely different that what he had been to her for the last 12 years.  Before she knew what she was doing, she was kissing him. _

_ It felt so incredibly wrong but there was no stopping her.  And to her surprise, he was kissing her back just as passionately.  Their hands tore at each other with an impatience that could not be sated.  They both knew in that moment exactly what was happening and they both were powerless to stop it. _

_ The man had a wife and a son.  He was much older than her. Up until now he was almost like a father-figure to her.  Everything was wrong. None of it mattered. _

 

Maya was breathing hard.  She was still shivering, though not entirely from the cold water on her skin.  She was crouched down now with her arms over her head. The memories had been pouring into her conscious much more intensely as of late.  The pain truly felt physical, like the anguish of her past was trying to crush her. She scrambled out of the tiny bathroom and grabbed a towel on her way into the main room of her studio where she stood with tears in her eyes, clutching the towel between her hands and teeth.

She and Marius had continued their affair for nearly a full year after it began.  More than once she was welcomed into the Baron home by his wife just as she had been for years before and she accepted the woman’s hospitality like a snake in a rabbit’s den.  It continued until the Sector 7 plate fell. When news of the incident hit, Ellen had rushed to Maya’s home and found her inconsolable. The kind woman had taken her into her arms and rocked her like a child.  She knew that Claire’s sister lived in Sector 7 because they were co-workers. She had come to comfort Claire and Maya, only to find that Maya was there alone. In her grief and rage and overwhelming guilt Maya had pushed her away and screamed at her to leave.  She remembered Ellen merely nodding and closing the door softly.

Maya threw her towel aside, roughly wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes, and rushed to the kitchen to find the nearest bottle.


	10. 08/14 Fri: Regrettable Night

For the next month Maya threw herself into her relationship and her work.  She found herself making plans and, more and more frequently, making excuses to avoid working with Cid so often.  With just a little more effort she was sure that everything would work out OK with Cassie in her life. She just needed to push harder.  Work harder. Love harder. Train harder. Thrust, slice, lunge, back, deflect, slice.

The cracks in her impossibly thin facade grew longer every day.  And when Cassie finally said goodbye for the last time she felt like it all crumbled away to reveal nothing but an empty shell made of ice.

Even Cassie’s seemingly inexhaustible cheer had its limits, and she had grown tired of trying to reach the real Maya.  It was obvious that Maya was hiding something, maybe everything, and Cassie was unwilling and unable to try and coax her out of her shell.

Maya could only silently agree with everything she said.

She didn’t know how long she stared at the closed door after Cassie left.  She thought about Claire, and Marius, and the dark month that took them both away from her.  She thought about the last month where she had tried to fill her time with anything that would keep the thoughts of her past pushed down.  She would work, she would practice with her spear, she would spend every spare waking moment with Cassie. 

She thought about how Cassie had told her about her dream of opening her own restaurant.  She was so excited about finally working for herself. She talked about her mother, who had raised three kids in Costa Del Sol by running her own food cart by the beach.  She talked often about her childhood in the sun. The devastation caused by her father’s sudden illness and death shortly after her youngest sister was born. Maya knew so much about Cassie, but hadn’t offered much about herself in return.  She was skilled at turning the conversation’s focus away from herself. She told herself that if she wasn’t ready to deal with her past, neither was anyone else.

She rose and retrieved a half-full bottle of whiskey from the cabinet.  It had been a couple of days since her last drink and she looked forward to blotting out what was left of this day.  She took a long pull from the bottle and swallowed hard. It felt like a fire that threatened to melt away the fragile shell of her.  She set the bottle back into its place in the cabinet, exited the building, and walked slowly but determinately out into the hot and unusually humid night.  Lightning illuminated the clouds on the horizon. The storm would be upon Rocket Town soon.

 

Cid answered the door bleary-eyed and intoxicated.  All the way from the table to the door his hands and feet felt like lead weights.  He was numb and empty again but was just curious or annoyed enough to answer the knock at the door.  To his surprise it was Maya, who had earlier said that she had more plans with her partner. 

Cid had found out not long after the incident in the hangar from Maks at the Shanghai that Maya was dating a woman who cooked at a cafe in the new marketplace.  He had been shocked by the news, then even more angry at himself for the position that he had put her in. The experience had left him at once humbled and insecure.  He was also stubborn and enjoyed her company too much to completely end their working friendship himself, but it was obvious that she was pulling away and that things could never go back to the way they were.  He was lucky to see her once a week anymore.

She was here now, standing at his door with an odd blank look on her tan face.  Neither of them spoke or moved for what seemed like minutes. Cid wasn’t sure if it was the booze or the lack of sleep that was stretching out this moment in time.  Slowly Maya took two steps toward him until they stood nearly eye to eye. She studied his face. The lines on his skin. The light beard that was now creeping up his face again.  His disheveled, spiky blond hair fallen just over his eyes. 

It seemed like she was looking at him for the last time, trying to memorize every tiny feature of his face.   The wide neck of her shirt had fallen down over one shoulder. She looked so thin these days and her clothes were quite nearly falling off of her.  The muscles under her shoulder rippled as she brought her arms up and around him to pull him closer. She certainly wasn’t weak as it first appeared, but trim and powerfully toned, yet not in a way that seemed entirely healthy.  And then she was kissing him. Hungrily. The same way she had kissed Marius Baron for the first time. There was a need and a sudden longing in her kiss. He tasted of whiskey and cigarettes. She never wanted it to end.

Cid was startled but couldn’t help pressing himself into her.  His arms were around her forcefully at first, but he softened his grip because it felt like he might break her fragile frame.  She responded by tightening hers and pushing him back against the sink. When Cid was finally able to break free for a moment to speak he grabbed her by the shoulders and, with some difficulty, focused his gaze into her eyes.  “What about--”

“Gone.” she said flatly.  Her eyes were cold and piercing.  “Doesn’t matter.”

“I ain’t gonna say no, but I’m not sure this is OK.”

“I don’t give a fuck about right or wrong.”

Cid continued to search her eyes.  He wasn’t sure what he was looking for.  A spark of something deeper? There was something there that was missing and he couldn’t put his finger on what it was.  She pushed him back against the sink again and took a step back, removing her shirt before moving up against him again, trying to make as much contact with his body as she could.

“I need you right now, Highwind.”

Any hesitation he had was dismissed when she said his name in that way.  He grabbed her again and sought her mouth with his own. She wrapped a leg around him tightly like she wanted their bodies to merge.  He picked her up and carried her down the hall while she kissed his neck and bit at his ear. Right or wrong, there was no stopping them now.

 

_ It was a week since the lifestream destroyed Meteor.  Finding additional survivors in the wreck of Midgar was less and less likely with each passing hour.  Though many, if not most, people had been evacuated to the slums below, countless others were still unaccounted for.  A command center of sorts was set up outside the ruins where the displaced were beginning to convert temporary shelters into permanent ones, and missing persons were registered there.  Each day a public board was updated with the names or descriptions of those found live or dead. Each day both lists grew shorter. When Maya found someone that she recognized from work she would ask about Marius and his family, but no one had seen or heard from them.  The phone system was down most of the time, and each time she tried calling Marius’s number it went straight to voicemail. She left him a short message the first time she got through, one asking him simply to call her and let her know he was all right. She couldn’t bring herself to leave any more messages after that but she continued to call several times a day.  Hearing his voice on his voicemail message was both a shock and a comfort each time.  _

_ A month after Meteorfall a memorial was held.  Names, pictures, dolls, scraps of clothing, and other reminders of the lost were hung on a long wall.  Candles were lit. Hymns were sung. Maya had nothing to add to the wall. Everything she owned was trapped in Midgar.  The evacuation happened so fast that she wasn’t able to take a single thing with her. She never expected that she would not be able to go back to retrieve anything for weeks to come.  As she stared down the length of the memorial wall she realized she might never know what happened to Marius, Ellen, and Van Baron. The question of why they weren’t able to evacuate safely might never be answered.  Like Claire and her sister, they too were entombed in the once great city of Midgar. She collapsed to her knees and shuddered, but no tears came. She was empty; there simply was nothing left of her to come out. _


	11. 08/15 Sat: Maya Goes For A Jog

She awoke with tears streaming out of her eyes.  They stopped flowing when she opened her eyes and found herself in an unfamiliar room.  Vivid memories of the previous evening slammed back all at once, momentarily stopping her breath.  She looked to her left and saw Cid’s form rising and falling softly as he slept. She sat up slowly so as not to wake him and felt something fall against her knee.  It was an empty whiskey bottle on the bed between them. She gathered what she could find of her clothes and left as quickly and quietly as she could. When she was safely back in her own home she could finally begin to process where the last 24 hours had brought her.  

Her mind was a maelstrom of doubt, elation, pain, and confusion.  She paced restlessly around her apartment. Fed up with the cramped quarters of her studio, she threw on a change of clothes, grabbed her spear, and headed out of town.  She barely looked at the stable master as she passed. She didn’t feel that she would be able to sit still on her chocobo today. The woman gave her a worried look. It wasn’t often that people left the safety of the town without the armor of a vehicle or the speed of a chocobo, for the surrounding plains, forest, and coast were heavily populated by monsters.  Amaya soon broke into a light jog. Getting her blood pumping harder might slow the chaos of images and emotions in her head.

Nearly an hour later she finally stopped running.  It hadn’t helped much. Claire’s face was all she could see, blue eyes dull and icy with hurt.  She sank down to her hands and knees and bile rose in her throat. The midsummer sun was racing down from its peak now and its light stung her eyes when she looked at the sky.  When she brought her hands to her face to rub the weariness away they felt cold and weak. 

She shot back up again, spear at the ready.  She saw them coming: four wolves on her left, three flanking on her right.  She had missed their approach from the patches of tall grass surrounding her.   _ Stupid, rookie mistake _ .  She cursed at herself.  The wolves were beginning to widen into a circle around her.  She sized up her aggressors. If she moved quick enough she could take out two of the smaller ones on her right.  She moved like lightning, piercing one through its breast and slashing in a circle to slit the other one’s throat.  She spun out of the way of another snarling wolf behind her but was unable to land a blow before it ran out to reposition itself.  Three wolves were now in front of her, two to her left, and one behind. By themselves they were weak but if they were able to attack as a pack she would be no match.  She whirled to meet the one that was behind her head on and leaped upward to rain a flashing bolt of steel down upon its head. It twisted out of the way and she was only able to inflict a slash on its shoulder before it sank its teeth into her ankle and dragged her off her feet.  It flung her to the side like a ragdoll. At least it was away from the other wolves, she thought as she pushed the searing pain out of her mind and leaped to her feet. Three were lunging at her now and she jumped over the two closest, just out of reach of their snapping jaws, and landed two quick jabs into the flank of the third.  Its screaming yelp was cut short as she slashed at its neck while she positioned her body to see the remaining three wolves. Her head was spinning. They were circling her now, lunging and snapping in an attempt to get her to run. If she did, their speed and stamina would overtake her in a heartbeat. Blood from her ankle was pooling in her shoe.  She knew she had to attack the remaining wolves first if she had any hope of getting through this alive. They remained equidistant from each other as they circled, and that made it impossible to choose her first target.

A horrible gurgling roar suddenly erupted behind her, causing both Maya and the wolves to freeze momentarily.  A quick glance to her rear revealed a grotesque green and red dragon-shaped creature barreling toward her on wickedly clawed feet.  A velcher.  _ Perfect _ .

She took advantage of the split-second distraction to rush toward one of the wolves and slash open its side.  She put the dying beast between herself and the other two wolves, the velcher still approaching on her left. One of the remaining two wolves struck at her with a startling burst of speed and landed a bite on her shoulder.  While she tried to shake it off or strike it with her spear, the other took hold of her leg and dragged her down again. She felt the sickening crunch of a bone being crushed and white hot pain threatened to overtake her senses.  She screamed out and took a desperate lunge toward the beast as best she could. Her flesh tore within the jaws of the wolf who was snapping at her shoulder and arm but the point of her spear connected with the eye of the animal on her leg.  Another terrible roar came from the velcher, but this time it was accompanied by a black, acrid cloud of hot vapor. 

Her lungs seized.  Her skin and eyes were burning.  It felt like the wind was knocked out of her and she was thrown into a fire.  The wolf on her arm let go and shook its head wildly from side to side, trying to escape the poisonous cloud that enveloped them.  It staggered back, stumbled, and scrambled away while Maya lay wheezing and gasping on the ground. She could no longer feel her spear.  She could no longer command her eyes to open. Agonizing pain was all she knew now, and when the creature landed its final blow it was a mercy.

Her last living thought, somehow calm amidst the physical horror of her death, was of Cid.

 

_ "You're here." _

_ "This is..." _

_ "The Lifestream."   _

_ "Were you expecting me?" _

_ "In a way." _

_ "Claire, I... never got to say sorry." _

_ "Yet here you are." _

_ “Will they be OK?” _

_ “You tell me.” _

_ "What happens now?" _

_ "Eternity, probably." _


	12. 08/20 Thu: The Spear

“Where the  _ fuck _ did you get this, you little shit?” Cid snarled at the young man through bared teeth.  He had yanked the merchant by the collar halfway over the counter of his market stall. “The spear,” he spat.  “Where... did... it... come from?”

“Fuck, man!  Lemme go! I bought it off an oil guy!  I just buy and sell weapons, man, I don’t ask where they come from!”

Cid growled in frustration and threw the merchant back, sending a table of small arms crashing backward.  He gripped the qiang with white knuckles and stared at it. There was no question, it was Maya’s. She showed it to him one day after she found a pile of prototype homemade spears in Cid’s backyard.  Hers had an unusual blue tassel just below the spearhead. Cid remarked that it could use a materia slot or two to really be useful, but she told him that she never had much use for magic or anything else that she couldn’t fix with her own two hands.  

“You gotta get the fuck outta here, you psychopath!” the merchant was struggling to get to his feet.  

Cid looked at the man sideways with simmering rage.  He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply and held it before letting the breath go more slowly.  “How much?” he asked softly.

“How much for what?”

“For the spear.”

“You fucking kidding me?”

“ _ How… much _ ?”

The man stared defiantly back at Cid once he regained his feet.  He narrowed his eyes in an attempt to intimidate him but his hands were trembling on the counter.  “1000.”

Cid tore the wallet from his back pocket and threw the gil on the counter.  A gawking crowd had formed and they barely had time or space to part when he stalked through.

No one had heard from Maya.  Calls to her phone went unanswered.  Neither Cassie, nor Maks, nor Maya’s foreman at her job site knew what had become of her.  Cid was beside himself, wondering if it was something he did the night they were together. He had woken up the next day alone.  He thought for sure it was nothing but a drunken fantasy until he found her panties in the crumpled sheets of his bed. He brought the spear home and set it against the engine stand in the garage.   _ Where did you go? _

A sudden rapping against the garage door elicited a string of curses.  He stomped over and threw the door open. It was Maks. It was strange seeing him in the daylight outside of the Shanghai.  “Captain,” he began, a look of genuine concern on his face, “I thought you’d want to know.”

“Maya?” Cid blurted.  The sinking feeling in his stomach told him he guessed right.

“Someone heard from the stable master that she went out alone a week ago.  She never saw her come back. It doesn’t mean she didn’t, but….”

Cid went pale at the thought of what could have happened to her.  

“You two have been thick as thieves, and I heard… well, anyway… you take care of yourself.  She’s got to turn up sooner or later.” Maks left Cid after clapping a firm hand on his shoulder.  

He sat on the garage floor with his back against the side of his car.  He knew Maya never came back. He had asked her building’s super to check her apartment for signs that she had been there.  His entire career as a pilot he was always in control. This feeling of utter helplessness was not one he was accustomed to.  What if his worst fears were wrong and she had just simply moved on? She left for a reason. Maybe she didn’t want to be found.  

He turned her spear over and over in his hands.  Finally, he decided to make a phone call.

 

“If I knew you came with the ship I would’ve asked for a motorcycle instead,” Cid joked halfheartedly.  

“The things I heard about you, old friend, I had to come and make sure you were fit to fly.”  Reeve was smiling but his eyes betrayed his apprehension. 

Cid tensed.  “I wouldn’t’ve make the call if I had any doubt.”  He locked his gaze on the cockpit windows of the  _ Shera _ .  “I ain’t out to get myself or anyone else killed.”

Reeve nodded slowly.  “I trust you.”

“Do you?”

“Rufus would kill you  _ and  _ me if anything happened to the WRO’s flagship.  I’m only going to ask you one more time, Cid, and you have my word that I will trust your answer.  Are you ready to lead the fleet again?”

Cid looked at Reeve and narrowed his eyes for a moment before answering.  “I need to borrow the ship first.”

Reeve cocked his head at this.  “Borrow… for what?”

“I gotta look for an answer.”

Reeve smiled softly and shook his head.  “As far as I’m concerned this ship belongs to you.  Rufus Shinra and his bankroll may disagree, but you designed it.  You built it. Only you fly it.”

“Someone else had to’ve flown her this year.”

He shook his head again and chuckled.  “It’s been in the hangar since you walked.  Nobody was willing to fly on the  _ Shera _ if Cid Highwind wasn’t at the wheel.”

Cid almost began to tear up at this.  He took a heavy breath before speaking again, softly.  “How is… how’s Shera?”

“She’s been working in Junon.  I get her reports every now and again.  That’s all I really know.” Mercifully, Reeve made no further comment about Cid’s question.

Cid nodded.  He took a moment to light a cigarette and gaze at the airship again.  “All right,” he said, “I’m back on board.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'm done with this story but I have to let it go for a while. If you've made it this far, thank you so much for your time!


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